The Story of Lappies ...

With his family far away in Germiston South Africa, Lappies has embarked on a new life in the bustling metropolis of Fort McMurray.  Read about how he and Darleen adapt to their new country as we sneak a peek at his letters home.
OCTOBER LETTER       JANUARY LETTER      APRIL LETTER  

June letter   

 Dear Boet

Well it was so lekker to hear your voice on the phone the other day. Sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night. I just forgot the time change – no wonder you vloeked me out so much!! Believe me – after all these months of chatting with these "uitlanders" dit was mooi om a bietjie regte vloek te hoor!!

Anyways – I couldn’t tell you all the news on the phone – Jislaaik at those rates, especially when you start converting what its costing in Rand! The kids have settled down at last at school – very different, hey boet. No uniforms, no calling the teacher "Sir" – do you remember at school when we didn’t stand up straight away when the teacher spoke to us – Ja, Jong – straight to the Vice Head for flaps! (and I don’t mean flapjacks my mate). Do you remember old le Roux? That vein in his head just used to start bulging when Blackie Swart used to give him grief! Ag Ja, those were the days Boet – when a haircut was a haircut so that the tops of your ears got burnt and peeled in the summer and nobody wanted flaps from old Veldhuizen seeing as how he caned for the police in his spare time!

So where was I? Ag ja – school here in Canada. So no uniforms either. Well, not that you could tell the difference of any of the kids going to school. No uniforms but they all dress the same. Big baggy black pants, big baggy black sweat shirts, baseball caps, must be Addidas or Nike. And to think that before we left home Darlene went to Woolworths and spent a fortune on buying all sorts of clothes for the kids which they won’t wear now. Well, they have to fit in don’t they?

At last the summer is coming! I thought this winter was never going to end. It gets dark so early here and gets light so late its like there’s no day. Now its lekker ‘cos its light until really late. Boet you can’t believe it. Summer comes and all these kids appear on the streets – where have they been all winter? Hibernating in the basement? Its skateboards, rollerblades, bikes. Whole families Moms, Dads, babies in little trailers. You’ve never seen anything like it. ‘Strue. Imagine trying to do that in Joburg. Wouldn’t last five minutes on those roads. These Canadians are so polite. I was just standing on the pavement the other night, having a smoke, and noticed this car stopped in the middle of the street, the driver just sitting there looking at me. I thinks to myself – Well now what the hell is he just stopped in the middle of the street for? I look at him, he looks at me, then I realise he’s waiting for me to cross the street. I was so blerry embarassed I just crossed to the other side even though I had nowhere to go. Don’t worry – I waited until he was well out of sight before I crossed back again. Didn’t want to offend him. Darlene’s watching all of this out of the window, laughing like a hyena. Wait, I’ll get her back. You know what they say about "slim jakkels".

So Boet – the BIG thing here for summer is camping. You got to have an RV (that’s a recreational vehicle – which is actually a helluva big bus with beds, toilets, bathrooms the whole thing). You load the whole fandamily in this Posh Putco and head for the beach. Now before you get excited, Boet, there are beaches ,,,,,, and beaches. Beaches in Canada is not like Durbs by the Sea. A beach can be anything with a stukkie sand, lots of klippe, logs and a lot of very cold black water. Don’t bring your surf board here, Boet. Ja, Jong – those days at Umtoti – hey? As if its not enough to drag 30 ft of mobile home along the highways you then have to attach a car to the back and stick a hot tub on the roof. Jeez – we managed ok with the Combi and the Venter!

You get to the camping ground and then you hook everything up so you’ve got hot and cold running water, microwave, fridge, tv, cable and even a furnace – don’t joke Boet – remember this IS Canada! It sort of takes the fun out of the whole thing – Darlene loves it but I dunno. Its not quite the same as sitting in the black sand at Vidal over an ironwood fire, sleeping in a sandy sleeping bag. Anyway, one thing I discovered about camping in Canada is that it doesn’t matter how fancy your RV is or how many microwaves or furnaces you have on board – if you don’t have an axe – YOU ARE NOTHING! ‘Strue – it’s the first thing that comes out and gets stuck into the nearest tree stump – sort of marking territory, I suppose. Its like saying "I’m here, this is my spot and I mean business. I might just chop this forest down if you look my way!" I had no axe – how did I feel? Like a lightie out on his first visit to the pub. I told Darlene – got to get an axe. But she says we don’t need wood chopped. Doesn’t matter Darlene – its important – it’s the Canadian thing. I think she thought I was going a bit bossies.

Maybe an axe is a good thing though, Boet. These Canadian animals are sommer cheeky! Lots of incidents about people being kicked by elk and jumped on by bears. You think its gonna be safe ‘cos there’s no lion or leopard. No way Jose! You got to clean up that campsite so well before you go to bed – no tasty little bits of meat hanging on the braai grid, no half eaten rusks lying around – otherwise here comes Meneer Bear – Meneer GRIZZLY Bear – and that’s a sight, believe me boet, to turn a man’s legs to soft pap. Ja Jong! And these Canadians go hiking around the sticks with bells to frighten away the bears. Bells! Ja Boet – I tell you what – try hiking through Sabi Sabi with a couple of bells and see where that gets you! If I see a bear in the woods I’ll just voetsak out of there so fast that old Griz will just think he imagined me.

And then of course there’s the mozzies. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that there would be mozzies in Canada! Now the Canadian mozzies are a bit different to the African ones. These ones here are as big as birds but sommer lazy jong. They float around like they don’t have a care in the world – probably so bloated that they can’t go any faster. So they’re quite easy to kill but there’s so many of them – and these are round the clock okies as well. No such thing as giving the old camper or fisherman a bit of piece and quiet during the day and then zoning in for a feed up around sundown. Now the real pest out here is this black fly. Jislaaik! Let me tell you, African mozzies have got nothing on this oke! He can make your little vakansie a total misery.

But you know what Boet – with all the mozzies, bears and black fly its still so lekker for the summer to be here that I’m not going to complain. Before you know it I’ll be shovelling that white stuff again – ag, horrible thought!

So I’ll sign off now Boet. Going to crack a Molsen and stick a wors on the braai (well its actually a "farmers sausage from Safeway but what the hell!).

Give my love to Ma, Pa en al die familie. And you too! I actually miss you, jy lelike ding!

Lappies